I love you all!!
The work:
This past week we had to drop a less active family and a referral that seemed very solid. I have never liked dropping people but this past week it really got to me. I feel like time and time again I get very into/excited for new or current people and then we have to drop them or they drop us. I have so much faith in them and then I find out they were just being two faced the whole time and leading us on. I know what preach my gospel says about "no effort is wasted" and we are planting seeds but still.... It seems like people just tell us what we want to hear and it is very hard for people to just be open and sincere with us. It seems like the more I put into the relationship the more I fall. Oh well... Better love and lost than to never have loved at all or whatever. I don't really know how to explain my situation- I guess the classic frustration with a Latin area as well as the classic being sad when you drop someone. I also really want to see true conversion- where, as Elder Packer explained, they become someone and you can stop babysitting them because they are self sufficient.
Sergio is becoming more and more truly converted/self sufficient... slowly but surely. His mom, Elisleidi, has a very strong desire to be baptized/converted/live the gospel but the past couple of days she has not been showing that with her actions. She canceled two appointments and didn't come to stake conference. She had "good" excuses of her baby being sick, her being sick(ish) but they are still excuses. I know people slip up on their way to conversion/baptism but at the same time I don't know how to help them be more self sufficient. I know I can't change any one's desires/agency but still I would like to see her/the people in general back up their words/desires with action. In general however, she is keeping her commitments and doing not just saying.... We came by and found her sick in bed. We were going to leave after following up/seeing if we could help with anything etc... but she told us to stay and we had a short lesson.
I had two or three amazing experiences this past week applying the training. One of which was one of the most spiritual lessons I have had on the mission. It was very random because we were at our dinner appointment. After asking some questions we found out the hostesses sister in law (the one we had the lesson with us) was not a member but was investigating. We asked some more questions and before we knew it she was pouring out her soul with her doubts/concerns about why she wasn't baptized yet and the spirit was very strong and we all recognized it... So that was a really big testimony builder for teaching by the spirit and following the training by asking inspired Qs, listening, discerning and teaching to their needs....
Sergio is becoming more and more truly converted/self sufficient... slowly but surely. His mom, Elisleidi, has a very strong desire to be baptized/converted/live the gospel but the past couple of days she has not been showing that with her actions. She canceled two appointments and didn't come to stake conference. She had "good" excuses of her baby being sick, her being sick(ish) but they are still excuses. I know people slip up on their way to conversion/baptism but at the same time I don't know how to help them be more self sufficient. I know I can't change any one's desires/agency but still I would like to see her/the people in general back up their words/desires with action. In general however, she is keeping her commitments and doing not just saying.... We came by and found her sick in bed. We were going to leave after following up/seeing if we could help with anything etc... but she told us to stay and we had a short lesson.
I had two or three amazing experiences this past week applying the training. One of which was one of the most spiritual lessons I have had on the mission. It was very random because we were at our dinner appointment. After asking some questions we found out the hostesses sister in law (the one we had the lesson with us) was not a member but was investigating. We asked some more questions and before we knew it she was pouring out her soul with her doubts/concerns about why she wasn't baptized yet and the spirit was very strong and we all recognized it... So that was a really big testimony builder for teaching by the spirit and following the training by asking inspired Qs, listening, discerning and teaching to their needs....
My thoughts:
I think I am finally consciously realizing that I am not going to come home perfect. I am really trying not to worry myself too much because I am really trying to tackle too much/expect perfection out of me. For one I am realizing I can only work on 3 (I'm thinking that is the number right now) goals per week/at a time... I cannot have a huge list of things I want to change about myself or accomplish... I just feel overhwhelmed at how much I want to do...
That being said- I am starting to more fully realize that it is not who I want to be, it is who God wants me to be. The trick is just finding that out.
I know that the things I am starting now are going to be things I work at for life- being more fully converted to the Gospel with a rock-solid, fool-proof, 100% for certain testimony, seeking and recognizing promptings from the Spirit, recognizing God's hand in my life, developing and showing charity, serving people, relying on God and not "leaning unto mine own wisdom", seeking the kindgdom of God first and not the riches of this world, not caring about worldly approval/compliments etc- just not worrying about what others think of myself, being better at not argueing or wanting to be right, making decisions better and faster, being diligent, being studious- esp in the gospel, being obedient, having better/more specific prayers, more faith in God. The list goes on and on...
My theme right now/I am thinking for life though is: charity and the Spirit. I think those two are just vital in life and in missionary work. I know if I seek the Spirit I will be guided and it will all be ok (kinda like faith....). I know how important service is and caring for other people... At the same time I know that we need to develop all the Christlike attributes (which are conviently laid out in a chapter of PMG)/follow the whole gospel not just parts of it... I do feel like I am lacking in the diligence section. I just dont like hacving goals/to-dos to go undone, but they always seem to... This worry is biggest in my studies. I want to be better at Spanish/more efficient/diligent at Studying it. I still have to finish the Old testament and D&C but I also want to read PMG/the BoM everyday....
Love,
Elder Myers
Love,
Elder Myers
