Hello everyone. I love you!
Well I feel like there is not as much stuff to write about in this area. Maybe it is just that I am not as new and therefor less blown away by things or something but for whatever reason I don't think I have as much stuff to write about...
First of all both Elder Bigler and I are very happy to find out that we have unlimited monthly miles! Elder Ellett (our AP who I am really good friends with) went on splits with us and decided that the mission had enough miles to spare, that our area really needs it because the work was being adversely affected by it and that he could trust us with being wise with the miles. so our zone leaders said last night to us that we should just drive like miles don't matter. It won't change too much how many miles we end up using but its amazing not having to worry about it every time you get in the car!
Anyway we are starting to really start visiting/revisiting people that we have contacted. Most of them are part member families or less actives but we have one or two plain old non members that we are working with. Up until this point we have been focusing primarily on just trying to contact people from the ward list/area book especially the people that the bishop told us to visit. We haven't had enough time/good enough relationship with some of the people where we could really set up a schedule (people in my area like us to do that- that and call first. That is different from my last area.) to actually teach/make a directed effort to reactivate people. I am excited to shift my focus from meeting people to getting some work done! Not that I wasn't getting anything done, it is just that the way our area works people have to get to know you before you can come into their house on a weekly basis to teach them about the gospel.... if that makes sense.
I am also sort of struggling internally with success driven by results vs success driven by the process. I know that I can still have success in terms of results/on paper but it probably wont be the same kind that I had in my last area. I really don't like thinking like that- like people in this area are less prepared to hear the gospel right now than Latin and or less affluent people are. I do know one thing for sure though- that as a whole people in my area are slower/more cautious when changing their lives but they tend to really do what they say. Everyone always makes return appointments here. Always. The only problem is is that they are really hard to get. Exact opposite from my last area. Now for the success measured by process- I do know that I need to be taking my whole mission and especially my area as an AMAZING learning experience/testimony builder and I could measure success by how much I have progressed on that level and how much the people that I work with have progressed on similar but adapted level. I am actually kind of worried about that right now. I have told you guys before but I am a little overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I want to learn/who I even want to be after my mission. I don't fully know either one of those as of now. I am just worried that I am going to come home from my mission not having met those two standards. I know that I have a long ways to go. I know that I need to just get out there and work, forget myself, and try my best and that that will take care of itself. I know that I will always have regrets and that I need to adjust my perspective/attitude (which is not an excuse to be lazy....) I know that I tend to be very self critical and that I have probably learned/changed more than I give myself credit for. I know that it is God's will that really matters because as we are sanctified and align ourselves with His will that is when the true refining and growing process comes. I feel like I have really noticed that in the past few weeks, maybe because everyone around me is focusing about that or if its because I need to learn it and it is my perspective but at either rate that has been something that I have learned.
All that aside I still want to say- but still! I still feel a little overwhelmed that I am not doing my best, that I could be more creative, that I haven't learned enough etc etc. I know these aren't positive thoughts so they don't get to me but they are definitely in the back of my mind. I just feel like there isn't enough time! I know that everyone says that but still. I also feel like my general energy level has gone down. I am not as active as I used to be. I have heard that its an ADHD/I know its a me thing to not want to start tasks because of the "giant elephant syndrome" I think that mom called it something like that... whatever its called- the perspective of not being able to break things down into little tasks to accomplish the big goal. I think that I am sort of overcoming that in a small way by focusing on one specific goal every weekish until i feel like i have mastered it... For example: my first one that was for my last transfer with Elder Cooley was to simplify. This affected everything from teaching more simple in Spanish especially to worrying less/"picking my battles" Now I am working on being spiritual bold and powerful. This has to do with bearing my testimony more frequently. I was worrying that i am more boring than i was before my mission and that my personality was coming through into my teaching and into the work in general. Then i went on splits with my Zone Leader- he is very nice, very different from in terms of missionary work style- he is a textbook, cookie cut, exactingly obedient, by the book, "robot missionary". So he is very different. While his method and my method are very different and each of them have their pros and cons equally I am obviously going to do it the best way i know how/the best way for me. So i learned from him and i am going to be more spiritually powerful/bold. He said that i am very charismatic, a good leader and could be a great leader for the entire mission even- i just need to play my cards right. He said not to worry about my personality- i already have a connection/a hook i need to bring the spirit more powerfully to do what actually matters- convert! So that is how i am going to play my cards. In the back of my head i do realize that i still feel like i could put more of my personality/talents into the work especially creativity and my energy. I do know that i am biased with my thinking and that he is biased in his comments in the first place, so i think they even out. I also realize that he tends to exaggerate things to make people feel good, but at the same time it felt really genuine after splits when he said all that to me, and he does take a big personal interest into my area and me especially.
So that is where I am at right now... Any thoughts? preferably non biased thoughts that every good mom will say haha:)
one last thing- I am still working on being not argumentative at all. I had my first "fight" of the mission- Elder BIgler and i got into an argument but it was silly and it only lasted like an hour (the aftermath that is) so besides that we get along very well! Especially considering our different backgrounds!
WOW enough talking about me! We did some major service last week- weeding and planting cacti on this rather large and rather steep hill for this rather less active and her non member friend. That was fun! We also think that service and the Joseph Smith movie (we took two very less actives- Leith Eaton- that painter who invented scintilism that we studied in art- I think, her son and his non member friend to the movie yesterday so will see what kind of results we can get) at the visitors center are our two best ways to start teaching people as opposed to meeting and befriending people.
I don't know if i have told you all of that already or not, i feel like i have but maybe that was in my journal- that email was so focused on myself that it felt like a journal so maybe that is where i am getting that feeling...
I have to go I love everyone so much!
more next week!
